Scripture Reading: Song of Solomon 2:10-14
Marriage Killers (1)
Intro.
1. “National Marriage Week USA—from February 7th to 14th every year — is a collaborative effort to encourage many diverse groups to strengthen individual marriages, reduce the divorce rate, and build a stronger marriage culture, which in turn helps curtail poverty and benefits children.” (http://www.nationalmarriageweekusa.org/)
-(I doubt it is coincidental that Valentine’s Day is Feb 14!)
2. It is good to strengthen every marriage that God joins together (Matt 19:4-6; Heb 13:4).
3. No marriage is without or above problems; each one can be improved, but only if both parties give 100% to the success of the marriage:
a. Wives can show more consistent respect for their husbands.
b. Husbands can honor and love their wives more completely.
c. Each can make an honest assessment and commit themselves to excellence in their marriage.
4. 10 Ways to Kill a Marriage (anony.), The Old Paths (Jarrod Jacobs). Bro. Jacobs wisely observed that at the heart of them all is SELFISHNESS!
I. BE UNTRUE TO ONE ANOTHER (Matt 19:9; Heb 13:4).
A. Honor Your Mate from a Heart that Treasures Him/her, 1 Pet 3:1-7.
1. Whether consciously or unconsciously, before adultery occurs one has already devalued their mate in their own heart!
2. Marriage is exclusive; allow no one to intrude into it.
B. Fornication Dishonors Marriage and the Marriage Bed, Heb 13:4.
1. Breaks trust, defiles purity and courts disaster. Prov 7:24-27; 6:32
2. Do not flirt, favor another, or foster any relation other than your marriage! To do so is to take fire into your bosom, Prov 6:27!
3. God’s will is your holiness, 1 Ths 4:3-7.
C. Beware of Pornography and Cybersex, Matt 5:27-30; Gal 5:19.
1. Cable TV, movies, internet, live chat (women: emotional connections), etc. give opportunities for lust to flourish!
2. Lust must be put to death, Col 3:5-6; Matt 5:8.
II. BE OVERLY JEALOUS OF EACH OTHER (Jas 3:14-16; 1 Pet 3:8-9).
A. Unfounded Suspicions are Destructive and Sinful, 1 Tim 6:4.
1. Raging jealousy indicates a need to control the other person; perhaps from insecurity, a previous hurt or self-loathing, etc.
2. Result: Destroys trust and security; Drives away your mate – the very opposite thing the “jealousy” intends to achieve.
3. Overcome by each having an unhesitating loyalty to the other that conveys value and respect, SofS 8:6.
- Sometimes the charge of “you’re just being jealous” is a cover-up for real danger in the relationship. Mutual loyalty overcomes.
III. NAG ONE ANOTHER TO NO END (Jas 3:16; Col 3:19).
-Communication Breakdown.
A. Self-Seeking Exhibits itself when one Constantly Badgers His/her Spouse.
1. Contentiousness: One who always has to be right (last word).
a. “Brawling”, contest, quarrelsome, Prov 19:13.
b. Causes isolation, Prov 21:9, 19. It kills communication and affection.
2. “Willing to yield” for the sake of peace (Jas 3:17). Do so without bitterness, Jas 3:17-18 (gentle, without hypocrisy, make peace). Be a peacemaker in your marriage! Matt 5:9
IV. SHOW NO AFFECTION FOR ONE ANOTHER (Gen 26:8).
A. Be Fond of (like) Each Other, Gen 2:23-24.
1. Husband: Court your wife, cf. Hos 2:14-15; SofS 2:10-14; 4:7.
2. Wife: Render due benevolence, 1 Cor 7:3-5; Titus 2:4 (philandros: “affectionate as a wife” (Strong’s Greek Dict.).
V. NEVER AGREE ON HOW TO RAISE YOUR CHILDREN (Psa 128:3-4).
A. A Divided House Falls, Matt 12:25.
1. Be united; work together: Do not undermine the authority and discipline of your mate in the eyes of your children.
-Do not give children a chance to “divide and conquer”!
2. Neither provoke to wrath nor discourage to despondency (Eph 6:4; Col 3:21).
a. Teach and correct while there is hope (early, often), Psa 13:24; 19:18 (22:6).
b. Fear the Lord and teach it to your children, Psa 128:4.
Conclusion
1. Like any living thing, marriage will thrive when it is nurtured.
2. What will we tell the Lord when we give account for how we nurtured our marriages? Will we be guilty of “marriage murder”?
3. Part 2 tonight.