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Scripture Reading: 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Do's of Marriage
1. The dynamic of the marriage roles is vital to a happy marriage: Head (servant leader to whom the wife willingly submits); Helpmeet (homemaker whom the husband easily praises and honors).
2. Within that context there are many things to “do” to be successful.
some of the things to “do” in marriage (Matt 7:12).
I. GOOD COMMUNICATION. (1 Pet 3:7; Eph 5:22-25, 28-29)
A. Obtaining Knowledge Requires Communication, Jas 1:19.
1. Listen more, talk less, cf. Eccl 10:12-14.
2. “Demanding” is not communicating.
3. “Too much talk (to the wrong people) and not enough talk (to the right person)”.
a. Gossip and slander, cf. Psa 50:20.
b. Quarreling, Prov 26:20-21.
c. The silent treatment, Eph 4:25.
B. Communication Skills (Isa 50:4). (From: “Marriage Communication”, Terry Northcutt, http://www.familydynamics.net/Communication.htm)
1. Be respectful, Prov 25:11; 15:23.
-Sarcasm, ridicule, judgmental statements and accusations, and put downs destroy communication.
2. Seize the moment (make time to talk!).
3. Good communication is a two-way street (Jas 1:19).
-Don’t dominate the conversation, make eye contact (undivided attention), avoid negative gestures, don’t interrupt,
4. Probe for more insight. Most listeners fail to grasp the full meaning of a speaker without asking questions. Questions designed to move the conversation along to a positive outcome.
5. Be honest. Eph 4:25-27. (“Good communication in marriage does not hide, distort, or evade the truth from the other. But honest communication doesn’t necessitate cruelty just for the sake of honesty. Respectful honesty is the key phrase.” Terry Northcutt)
II. THE ABILITY TO RESOLVE CONFLICTS.
-(Children? When? How many? Discipline? / Rent? Own? / Domestic responsibilities / Mistreatment and Sin…)
A. Know what the Conflict is about, Prov 18:13; 15:28.
B. Humility to Admit Personal Contribution to the Conflict (Jno 8:7; Matt 7:2). (Nobody is right all the time…or wrong all the time.)
C. Wisdom to Address the Conflict, Jas 3:13, 17-18.
D. Have Patience toward Each Other, Lk 6:37-38.
1. Repent when you sin, Lk 19:8 (restore what is broken).
2. Forgive when you are sinned against, Col 3:12-13.
III. HAVE SHARED INTERESTS AND GOALS.
A. Don’t Forget What Love Looks Like, cf. 1 Cor 13:4-8.
B. Money in Your Marriage, Matt 6:24-25; 1 Ths 4:11-12.
C. Children in Your Marriage, Eph 6:4; Psa 127:3-5.
D. God in Your Marriage, Gen 2:22-23; Mal 2:14; cf. 1 Pet 3:7.
IV. WILLINGNESS TO WORK TOGETHER AS ONE.
A. Be Doers, not Only Hearers, cf. Jno 13:17; Jas 1:25.
-Apply what we’ve discussed:
1. Never stop talking and listening! (cf. Matt 13:15)
2. Attitude is everything! (Eph 4:1-3)
3. Respect each other, Eph 5:33.
4. Seek respectful solutions to conflict (not lording over your wife, not manipulating your husband).
5. Be companions, not strangers who share a last name. Gen 2:23
1. In a very real sense, “marriage” is a verb! It requires doing (action) in order to be successful.
2. Marriage succeeds when service replaces self; when “you” replaces “me” and when holy living replaces sinful treatment of one another.
3. Let each
one see to their particular responsibilities in marriage and it will be a
blessing – just as God intended. Eph 5:33
Growthtrac Marriage Minute - Wednesday, July 28 2010
Northcutt, Terry, “Marriage Communication”, http://www.familydynamics.net/Communication.htm