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Scripture Reading: Proverbs 7:1-5

Affair-Proof Your Marriage


1.  God-given goals of marriage:

   a.  Procreation, Gen 1:28; 4:1.

   b.  Purity, Heb 13:4; Gen 2:25; 1 Cor 7:1-5.

   c.   Partnership, Gen 2:23-24; 1 Pet 3:7.

2.  Yet, 50% are sundered (Matt 19:6). What can we do to protect them?



   A.  Pride, Prov 15:25; 28:15.

   B.  Selfishness, cf. Gal 6:2.

   C.  Dishonesty, Eph 4:25; Gal 4:16.

   D.  Adultery, Heb 13:4. The sin of adultery is foolish and destructive, Prov 6:32-35.



   A.  First, Know the Danger is Real, 1 Cor 6:18; 10:12; 15:33; Jas 1:14.

      -Don’t be the fool who says, “It could never happen to me”!

   B.  Next, Commit Yourself to God and to Your Spouse, Mal 2:14; Prov 2:16-17.

   C.  Combine Knowledge and Practice, Col 1:9-10.

      1.  “If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.” (Jno 13:17)

      2.  If “knowledge is power”, then knowing your spouse (and knowing yourself) will give you power to excel in your marriage. 1 Pet 3:7

      3.  “Instead of worrying so much about whether or if your spouse has had or will have an affair, do something to help reduce the chances of it happening.” (Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr.)
      4.  Harley, author of His Needs, Her Needs, says men and women almost universally have five primary needs that must be met to assure a prospering, affair-proof marriage. (Not exclusive)

      5.  God gave Adam Eve and Eve Adam to help fulfill our needs. It’s when they didn't fulfill the purpose that they were meant for that there was trouble in paradise. Gen 2:18


What Wives Need

What Husbands Need

Affection (not a three letter word).

Cf. SS 2:10-14; Col 3:19

-Affection is the expression of care. -Symbolizes security, protection, comfort and approval – vital.

-Affection says:

1. You are important to me. I will care for you and protect you.

2. I'm concerned about the problems you face and will be there for you when you need me.

Sexual fulfillment. Prov 5:15-20

-You made a vow to be faithful to each other (Prov 2:17).

-Greater sex drive of the husband puts responsibility on the wife to meet her husband’s needs without resentment, 1 Cor 7:4-5.

-Otherwise, there can be significant conflict in the marriage

Conversation. Col 4:6; Prov 15:23 (Isa 50:4)

-Good conversation:

  1. Informs and investigates

  2. Focuses attention

  3. Balances listening and talking

  4. Undivided attention

-Conversation failures when:

  1. Demands are made

  2. Disrespect is shown

  3. One or both become angry

  4. Dwell on mistakes (past/pres.)

-Conversation was one of first things that drew you to each other

Recreational companionshipGen 2:18; Eccl 9:9

1. Do not “go your separate ways”.

2. Sharing life’s experiences together

3. Protects you against investing your time and energy into someone instead of your husband.

Honesty and openness. 2 Cor 8:21

-A sense of security is established.

-Trust undermined without it

-Builds compatibility in marriage; common goals, aspirations, etc.

An attractive spouse. SS 4:9-11

-Enraptured by her presence, her voice, her face, her beauty

-She cares how she presents herself before him (and the world)

-Only have eyes for her, Prov 6:23-25

Financial support. 1 Tim 5:8

-Support that help w/ contentment

-Not greed and covetousness,   Heb 13:5; 1 Ths 4:11

Domestic support. Prov 31:10-12 (13-26), 27-29

-Manage the house, 1 Tim 5:14

-Worthy woman watches over the ways of her household (31:27)

Family commitment. Eph 6:4; Prov 3:1-2; 22:6

-Active in moral and educational development of the children

-Taking responsibility for how the children turn out

Admiration. SS 5:10-16; Eph 5:33 Prov 21:9 (19:13)

-Show him you appreciate his work, devotion and effort for you

-Express your respect with kind esteem, not contentious complaining




1.  Men, ask yourself: "How am I doing at affair-proofing my marriage and fulfilling those five primary needs of my wife?"
2.  Women, ask yourself: "How am I doing at affair-proofing my marriage and fulfilling those five primary needs of my husband?"
3.  Be honest with yourself; don’t argue with or rationalize the needs; they are real.

4.  God expects you to work on making your marriage a success! Eph 5:33